A Life Undeserved
by Derp.Me
Summary: A story told through song and verse, It shows the darkest time of the four digidestineds lives.
1. It begins

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Digimon or the characters in this story (Save Kali…That's me!). I also do not own these songs or their lyrics…

DISCLAIMER #2: THIS DOES NOT REALLY HAPPEN. I wrote it for fun. kthnx.

DISCLAIMER #3: Songs: Revenge: KMFDM  
Wake me up: Evanescence  
I need you to love me: Barlowgirl.

She stood in front of him, the virus disks in her hands, data swirling around her; attacking her, attatching to her skin and dissolving everything it touched

She stood in front of him, the virus disks in her hands, data swirling around her; attacking her, attatching to her skin and dissolving everything it touched. Her mouth was open, and she was screaming soundlessly.

"NO!!" He screamed, lunging forwards, but Lex grabbed hold of the back of his shirt. He was holding him back from hurting himself, but he didn't care. He wanted to be hurt, if it meant saving her.  
"You can't!" The viral Digimon screamed at him. "You'll die!"  
"Let me die then!!" Lance roared, tearing away from him and running to her.

She looked up and saw him coming to her through white, glowing eyes. Blood stained lips opened and tried to speak, but only blood bubbled through her teeth, gushing out and spattering down her ivory chin. Her hands trembled and she stumbled away from him, fumbling with the disks in her hands, grasping one with dissolving fingers. "Goodbye…" He heard her croak, watched as she threw the warp disk on the ground.

Lance fell as she disappeared, screaming her name to the heavens. Cody was shaking, standing behind Meg. They had finally arrived…but too late. Too late to save her.

Meg fell beside her foster brother, tears glistening in sapphire eyes. She tried to hug him, but he pushed her away, standing up and ripping at his hair.  
He couldn't believe it…

He wouldn't believe it.  
She wasn't…she couldn't be…

He shook with the effort it took to keep from exploding, to keep from crying, from blaming everyone around him. It wasn't their fault…

It was Pa's.

Meg watched Lance as he stood on the sand, shaking and choking on tears he wouldn't let fall. She watched as something inside of him snapped, and Lance's eyes changed. The once vibrant green eyes turned to black ice, cold enough to make her shiver.

"L-lance…" She said softly, wiping at her eyes.

"Shut up." He growled at her, and she flinched. What was…what had happened to him?

"Come on, Lex. We're leaving." He said darkly.

"But…"

"I SAID NOW!!" Lance roared, and Lex walked to him slowly, looking back at Hime. He didn't want to leave her… The black cat was in hysterics, unable to come to grips with what had happened. Nobody could. Not even Lance.

"Lex! Hurry the FUCK up!!" Lance snarled, storming off into the distance.

He was going to find him…the one to blame…and he was going to make him pay.

He was going to kill him.

Meg watched Lance, still. She ran after him, trying to catch up, trying to stop him. She didn't understand what was going on.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Lance was shouting at her, still storming away from her.  
"No! Lance-" She finally reached him, grabbing his shoulder. One pale hand swung around in the form of a fist and slammed into her jaw. Stunned, she didn't retaliate, and the fist came again; this time knocking her to the ground. She felt hands on her neck, a knee in her stomach. Cody was shouting for Lance to stop, but he didn't. Lance was hitting her. Beating her… and she was screaming. She was screaming, and she hadn't even noticed.

Then, he was off of her and in Cody's hands. The blonde boy had torn him off of her.

"Fuck, man, cut it out!"  
"NO!!" Lance roared. "Fuck…you!!" He struggled in Cody's grasp, trying to get away.  
"**You're not the only one who's upse-"**  
Lance slammed his head back into Cody's face and flipped him over, driving his foot into Cody's stomach and face. Leaning down with a hand on his throat, Lance snarled.  
"I'm the only one who wishes he was dead instead." He spat, the tears finally falling.

He let go of Cody and stood up, taking his digivice and throwing it at their feet.  
"Fuck you all." He said in a choked voice. "I don't need you." He turned on heel and walked away, his heart hardening in his chest.

Meg wiped the blood from her lip and helped Cody up, coughing. Something more than Lance's eyes had changed…and she wasn't the only one who had noticed.

"Meg…" Shade said softly, and she looked up at him. The Beelzemon laid a hand on her shoulder, looking gravely serious. "We have to get to Pa."

"W-why?" She asked, sobbing a bit.

Shade was shaking. He didn't want to do this to her, after everything that had just happened. But, if he didn't…she would be worse off than she already was.  
"Meg, what…what killed Kali?" He asked in a hoarse voice, barely audible to anyone else.  
"V-virus disks…" Meg sniffled, looking distraught. "But what's that got to do with anything?!" She was crying, sobbing. Her best friend was dead, and her brother had beaten her and left.  
"Meg, who…who created the disks? Who could Lance possibly blame for her death?" Shade had figured it out. He had figured out Lance's plan.

"He wouldn't…Lance wouldn't…" She was shaking violently, her body reacting to the shock and depression that was setting itself into her mind.

"Right now, I don't think we know what he would and wouldn't do anymore…" Lex said quietly.


	2. Revenge

Lance stepped out of the digital world, hair in his face, and his hands in his pockets

Lance stepped out of the digital world, hair in his face, and his hands in his pockets. His tears were gone, dried up and wasted. He was done crying…Now he was just plain pissed.

This was Pa's fault…that bastard who had created those disks…it was his fault she was dead. He would never see her again…and it was all Pa's fault.

**The empty and searching streets  
These gutters they warm my feet  
Since your cold lips blue  
Give me life anew**

Never again would he hear her laughing, see her hair glitter in the sunlight, feel her smooth ivory skin against his. That bastard had taken her from him. Damn him…damn him to hell! He had taken everything good from his life and pitched it away into seething black nothingness. He had killed his happiness, with one stupid decision. What a dumbass he was… he didn't see why Meg had practically _worshipped_ the man…

Maybe she was in on it too.

He stopped and shook his head, slamming a fist into a tree. No! It wasn't anyone's fault but Pa's. Nobody but Pa would pay.

**Your works and your understanding  
My god is so undemanding and don't miss a day  
And I'll always pay  
Give me life anew**

Stepping out onto the street, he stopped a cab and got in, telling the cab driver where he wanted to go. He needed no weapons for what he was about to do. From what he heard, Pa had no lack of them at his home. How ironic, that something of his would be the thing that destroyed him…and it would be easy to make it look like a suicide.

The gothic boy stepped out of the cab and ignored the Cab driver's demands for money, shooting him an icy glare. "Get lost, or I'll slash your tires to pieces." He snarled at him. "And then I'll slash you to pieces." The cab-driver's face paled and his tires sprayed dirt around him as he practically flew out of the driveway. Lance's face didn't change in the least as he walked down the path to the house, not knocking as he walked in. The van was gone, and he couldn't see Grammy anywhere. But he could hear Pa down in the basement. He walked across the floor silently and looked briefly at the gun cabinet, pushing a gloved hand into it and pulling out the shot gun Pa kept there. He slipped it over his shoulder, and moved down the stairs, stopping in the doorway.

**I got a love for the leader  
The cross the deceiver  
The ache is the answer to break with disaster  
Awake be forgiven arise with the living  
Never see realize peel your eyes feel the prize**

**The battle burns in my head  
The love is dead and hope has fled  
Hate's the hurt my humanity  
A corpse in bondage burns for thee  
You've been tied ripped and bled  
Raped by freedom while hate gave head**

Lance watched as Pa turned towards him, blinking in confusion. "Hello? Lance? Boy, is that you? Come into the light where I can see you better." He said. Lance did so, keeping the shot gun out of sight, behind his back.  
"Is something wrong?" Pa asked, setting down his tools and looking at Lance. "Where's everybody else?" He looked worried. "Did something-"  
"The virus disks…they're gone." Lance said darkly. "Meg and Cody are still in the Digital World…" He left Pa to figure out where Kali was.  
"And Kali?"  
"She's the one that got rid of the disks." Lance ground his teeth together.  
"What do you…you mean…Oh Lance…" Pa's face fell. "Lance I'm so sorry…"  
"YOU SHOULD BE!!" He shouted, slamming his fist into the wall. "This…this is all your fault!!" He roared at Pa. The old man did nothing in retaliation, merely took it all and hung his head. He couldn't deny it. If he hadn't made those disks… He heard a loud click, like the cocking of a gun, and looked up into the barrel of his shotgun.

**You've got a screaming silence  
You're full of caution  
Your regret is my abortion  
This vicious victim lost his hold  
Revenge is a dish that's best served cold  
Let your bloodlust leave  
Let your hate recede  
I can take it all with one collect-call  
Awake be forgiven arise with the living  
Never see realize peel your eyes feel the prize**

"Lance, put that down." He said, almost breathless.  
"You. Killed. Kali." The teenaged boy growled, distraught.

"Lance, I never meant for it to ha-"  
"BUT IT DID! And it's **all** your fault!" He pressed the cold metal against Pa's throat. "Now you're going to pay for what you did." He hissed. "Sit down, now."  
"Lance-"  
"I SAID SIT DOWN!!" Lance shouted, his eyes glazing over with tears.  
Pa sat down and looked up at Lance, his eyes dark. "And what now, Lance? Are you going to kill me?"  
"No." Lance spat. "You're going to kill yourself." He picked the chisel up off of the workbench and pressed it against Pa's temple, pushing the shotgun into the old man's hands. "Now do it. Fire the gun into your head." He forced his voice not to crack.  
"Lance, you don't know what you're doing…" Pa said.  
"No, I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm killing you, and not leaving evidence that I did it."  
"So you think that this is going to make everything all better?" Pa asked. "You think killing me will bring her back? Lance, she's go-"

"YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT!?" Lance shouted, slamming the chisel against Pa's head. The old man fell over. "I KNOW she's gone! THAT'S WHY I'M DOING THIS!!" He advanced on him, pushing the chisel against his temple again. "I'd kill myself, but it never works! I know, I've tried before! So my only alternative, is killing you. Now DO IT." He choked on his words and pushed the shotgun at Pa, who looked at him with blank, disappointed eyes.

**Innocence dies trust betrays  
Hope remains I'm a fan of the flames  
Hey there baby girl  
I got a weakness for lies  
And I'm speechless for highs  
Your hurt's my hope I'm your holy ghost  
Your angel of mercy  
I'll keep you dirty  
Be kind to be cruel  
So break every rule  
Be cruel to the kind and you'll take every fool**

"You don't want to do this…"

"Oh, trust me." Lance said, positioning Pa's finger on the trigger. "I really do."


	3. Bring me to life

She couldn't feel her arms

She couldn't feel her arms. She couldn't feel her legs. Her body was a vague memory that she couldn't quite grasp. Pain was buzzing around her, consuming her thoughts. It was all she could think of. Memories were swirling around her mind…She could remember a hot, relentless fever. She could remember her insides burning, as if someone had poured acid down her throat. She remembered Lance's eyes, wide and as stunningly green as ever. Slowly, she opened her eyes and found them locked onto another pair of floating golden orbs.

_H__ow can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home  
_

A black body twisted above her, giggling demonically. She groaned and pushed herself up…which was odd, because she had no body. At least, not a regular body. Instead…Instead…

"HOLY SHIT I'M A CAT!!"

The creature above her laughed hysterically, rolling onto it's back and kicking it's feet in the air. It had large ears and long, vibrant turquoise hair that stuck out from it's head. As said before, it's eyes were golden, and it didn't seem to have a mouth. White markings twisted around it's body, which was rather slender.

"W-what's going on??" Kali asked, eyes wide and mouth gaping. She was black, for one thing, and had markings the color of that _thing's_ hair. Her own hair was on her head, golden and red and the color of fire. At least that hadn't changed.

"You're asleep. Your body is gone, and your soul went to sleep." The thing said. She heard only giggles and odd sounds, but she somehow understood it.

"But I…I thought I…I used the disks…I killed myself…" She blinked, unbelievably confused.

"In the digital world…" The thing whispered. "But not in the human world…In the human world, it's time for your soul to reawaken…"

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

Kali gasped as the thing placed a spindly hand on her chest, pushing it through to where her heart was. She didn't feel her heart beating, though. Only cold. It was as if ice had collected in her chest…

The thing pulled it's hand back and in it was a blue crystal. In it's middle a small bit of red sat, pulsating and turning the rest of the crystal purple.

"What…what is…"

"A soul crystal." The thing giggled. "Your soul crystal. The red is your life…see how small it is?"

She blinked and looked at it. Was she…really still alive?  
"Where's my body?" She asked hoarsely.

_Now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life  
_

"Inside me." The thing whispered, leaning in and pressing it's lips to hers. She felt something warm rush into her, rushing down to her toes and inflating her, warming her. It pulled away with a giggle and did a flip, watching as she rediscovered her body. Her wonderful, naked body. Oddly enough, she didn't even care that she was naked. She was just happy to have her body back!

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become  
_

"How did you…"

"I shan't tell…I can't tell…But I can tell you this…You cannot get back to the human world alone."

Kali blinked. "Are you bringing me?"  
"No." It said, shaking it's head. "Someone must pull you back…"

_Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life_

"How do they do that? What…I mean…"

It giggled it's demonic little laugh, flipping again and spinning around her, floating upside down and clapping it's hands.

"They must pull you back…They must want you back. If they don't, you stay here forever. Within 24 hours your body will be gone, and you will be my playmate." It laughed. "Good luck…" It whispered, fading into blackness.

Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

She couldn't see a thing, but she could hear. Something was going on around her…She could hear Meg.

"Shade, quickly!!" She was saying, begging the Beelzemon.  
"We're there!!" She heard Shade say.

She could hear Lance, a gunshot, and a strangled cry. She felt a cry rise up in her own throat, and she choked on it, letting it gurgle out. She heard Lance stop moving on what sounded like stairs, shuffling a bit. "Kali..?" He whispered her name. His voice was hoarse, as if he had been yelling, or crying.

"Lance?? Lance what did you do??" She asked hoarsely.

"Where are you?!" His voice was breaking. "KALI!?"

"LANCE!!" she heard Meg's hysteric cry, six sets of feet on stairs. What was going on?? What was she missing?! She heard Meg's shouting give out and choke into hysteric sobs, and heard Lance screaming for her again. What had happened?! What was going on?!

"How could you??" Someone was saying. Hime, she realized, pressing her hand up against a wall she couldn't see. "Do you think she'd want this?! Do you think that becoming a murderer would help anything?!" The black cat Digimon was screeching now.

"No…no, SHUT UP!! Shut up, all of you!!" She heard a gun cock, and her eyes widened. What was HAPPENING!? "I heard her!!" Lance squeezed out, his voice shaking. "She…she said my name. She asked a question, I HEARD HER!!" He shouted, slamming something metal against a wooden object.

"She's dead!! And now Pa's dead too! It's all your fault!!" Meg screamed. "I'LL KILL YOU!!"

"MEG NO!!" Kali shouted, slamming both her fists against the wall. What had happened!? Why was Pa dead?! What had Lance done!?

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life_

"Kali??" The whole room seemed to have frozen, she couldn't hear them moving.

"I told you I heard her…" Lance was sobbing, his voice cracking, choking over his words.

"What happened?? What did you do??" She asked, pressing against the wall and squeezing her eyes shut. "Meg, Lance, what did you do??" She was scared, crying at what she dreaded him to say. "Lance…Lance tell me!"

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

"Kali…Kali please come back…!" Lance pleaded. She felt something warm tugging at her chest, and felt a dul beat. "I need you." He choked again.

"You don't **deserve** her!!" Hime shouted.

"You don't deserve anything." Meg hissed, hate dripping from her voice.

"No, No Kali don't Listen to them!" Lance was sobbing hysterically now, completely broken down. She had to get to him. Slamming against the wall, she strained to get through, to find out what was going on. She had to get to Lance. She had to get to Meg.

'Come back…' she heard a whisper, and a frustrated shout from whatever that thing had been. Then, she fell through the wall. Her stomach dropped, and she fell like she was floating. The dull thud in her chest strengthened so much it shook her body. Her fingertips tingled, her ears buzzed, and there was a tickling sensation in her feet as she landed lightly on the ground, looking at all of them with stunned eyes.

_(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
(Bring me to life)_


	4. I need you to love me

She saw the scene before her with disbelieving eyes

She saw the scene before her with disbelieving eyes. The group was around Lance and staring at her, mouths gaping. Here was someone back from the dead…

But she wasn't the only one who had died.

Pa lay on the ground, blood running from a hole in his chest. He had been shot…or rather, shot himself, as it seemed. Lance looked distraught, disturbed, and deeply depressed. His eyes were hollow, but quickly changing. He ran to her, pushing through the group and holding her tightly, sobbing into her shoulder.  
"I thought you were gone." He choked.

"I…I did too…" She said, wrapping her arms around him, still staring at the corpse that lay on the ground before her.  
"Lance what did you do…?" She asked in a choked, soft whisper.

"I…" He stopped, hugging her tightly, shaking. "I did…I didn't…I wanted…" He couldn't get it out. She was going to leave him now…he could tell. "I'm so sorry." He choked out. "I wasn't thinking. I was…I didn't mean to…I just…I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry." He kissed her head, kissed her cheeks.

_**Why, why are You still here with me  
Didn't You see what I've done?  
In my shame I want to run and hide myself  
But it's here I see the truth  
I don't deserve You  
**_

"But you DID!" Meg's voice came, and Lance ignored it. He tightened his grip on Kali, crying into her hair.  
"Please don't leave me." He choked. "Please, Kali…don't leave me." He was shaking.

"I…" Kali looked past him, at Meg, at Pa.  
"I won't…" She whispered, falling as Lance collapsed to his knees, crying.

_****_

But I need You to love me, and I  
I won't keep my heart from You this time  
And I'll stop this pretending that I can  
Somehow deserve what I already have  
I need You to love me  


He was a broken wreck, unable to convey the grief that was rushing through him. Unable to convey how deeply and truly sorry he was. He hadn't meant to actually shoot Pa. He hadn't meant any of it. He didn't know what had come over him…

Meg was looking at Kali with contempt, her eyes shining. How could she…How could she side with him?? That bastard had killed her grandfather! He had killed him in cold blood!

"Lance…Lance I have to go for a little while…" Kali said to him, touching his face. He instinctively grasped her waist, shaking his head, but she forced him off. "Stay here…I'll come back. I promise." She stood up and walked to Meg, grasping her friend's arm with a strength she didn't know she had. "Come with me." She told her.

"No! No, get away, you traitor! I hate you too! I hate you both!"

Since Kali had returned from her trip with death, she had gained a bit of wisdom. It was now that she deemed it a good time to exercise said wisdom.  
"MEG LISTEN TO ME!!" She shouted. "Don't SAY that!! Look what comes from it!! Look!!" She forced Meg to look at Pa's body. "Do you see it?! Do you see the only thing you'll ever get from it?! Nothing! Nothing at all, and nothing good!" She shook Meg's shoulders.

The other girl was crying, shaking with Kali's hands. "But Pa…Pa…"  
"I know…" Kali said, hugging her, soon joined by Shade. "It's okay…" She said, tears rolling down her own cheeks.  
"No…no it's not okay…" Meg cried. Kali squeezed her own eyes shut and hugged her tighter.  
"It will be…"

_**  
I, I have wasted so much time  
Pushing You away from me  
I just never saw how You could cherish me  
'Cause You're a God who has all things  
And still You want me **_

Lance watched this exchange with his heart tearing. Kali didn't want him now. Nobody did. Nobody would. Just like his dad told him…  
Everybody was busy with Meg and Pa. Nobody was paying attention to him. Shaking, he made his way up the stairs and out of the house, breaking into a run as soon as his foot hit the dirt. He had to get out of here. He had to get away. He didn't want to hurt them anymore…

_**But I need You to love me, and I  
I won't keep my heart from You this time  
And I'll stop this pretending that I can  
Somehow deserve what I already have  
I need You to love me  
**_

Meg pulled away from Kali and fell to her knees beside Pa, hugging his body and ignoring the blood that seeped onto her chest.

Kali looked around, her eyes widening as she saw Lance was missing. "Lance??" She asked, spinning around. He really was gone. "Lance!" She shouted, running up the stairs. Nobody followed, almost all of them too angry to look at the teen at the moment. But not her.

She was afraid for him.

She loved him.

No matter what he did, she couldn't help it. She'd always love him, through thick and thin. She didn't know what to call this, but it was definitely horrible. She saw a path through the thick grass and followed it, stumbling a few times but keeping on the trail that she was positive was Lance's.  
"Lance!!" She shouted his name, glimpsing him ahead. He sped up, running away, darting into the trees. She followed, catching up and throwing herself onto him in a tackle.

_**  
Your love makes me forget what I have been  
Your love makes me see who I really am  
Your love makes me forget what I have been**_

Lance fell to the ground with her on top of him, her hair falling in his face.  
"Lance stop." She said, hugging him and wrapping her legs around him. "Don't leave." She whispered. "I love you. Don't leave."

He forgot what had just happened. He forgot why he had left. All he knew was that she was here. She was here and she wanted him. He lifted his head up and kissed her, pushed her up against the tree. She kissed him back, knowing full well that this wasn't the time for it…but she knew he needed it. They entangled with each other, falling to the ground, showing how little either of them wanted to leave.

_**But I need You to love me, and I  
I won't keep my heart from You this time  
And I'll stop this pretending that I can  
Somehow deserve what I already have  
I need You to love me**_

"Why…" He whispered, holding her close.  
"Why not?" She kissed him, burying her head in his shoulder.

Meg stood in the driveway, watching as the ambulance pulled away. She couldn't believe it. She hadn't believed it when she was kneeling on the floor. Pa's blood stained her shirt…warm…sticky…

But she didn't care. Pa was alive. The bullet had missed all of his vital organs. It was a miracle. Pa was alive.

But where was Lance? She had to…she had to tell Lance.

Her fire and fury was spent, overcome by her relief. She just wanted to help Lance now…now that she understood what he was feeling.

When she had come upon he and Pa in the basement, she had felt an almost undeniable need to shoot Lance in the head. To blow his insides across the room…to kill him. But now she didn't know what to do. She was confused, like he was. Now she knew how he felt…and she figured that would be enough to mend what had broken between them.


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue:

**Epilogue:**

Years passed…and gradually we grew closer.

Pa got better…

Meg forgave me…

I went into Anger Management, to the confusion of everyone but the Digi-Destined and those who knew about them.

Nobody told anyone.

Kali stayed by my side…  
I don't know why…

But I'm glad.

I don't want to lose her again.  
I never let her out of my sight.

I don't think I will ever find myself good enough to gain back the trust that Pa so readily gave me.  
I don't deserve much anymore…  
But they've all given me so much. So much that I don't deserve,

I can't turn back time…  
But I can work on changing the future.

I can make sure what I tried to do doesn't happen again.  
At least…I can try.  
It took a few years, and a psychology degree…  
But I am now a grief counselor for men and women of all ages.  
I run an anger management center with my wife.

I have a life I do not deserve.


End file.
